photo: Anders R. Naesset. www.naessetphotography.com

                                                               

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You are running like crazy through a pine tree forest. A giant orange bear is chasing you while throwing apples for you to fall over. It makes you think of oranges and now the bear turns into an orange. A big orange the size of a bear who keeps rolling in your direction along with the apples. You are terrified: this orange is even worse, it rolls faster than the bear could run. It starts thundering. It is a long rolling sharp sound. Now that is strange, you think, can a thunder thunder on for that long? And how can it be it evolves more into a ringing sound, like an alarmclock? Oh...it is your alarmclock. You hit it on snooze and notice your blankets are all over the place. ´I must have had a wild dream´, you think.

Now I can use this intro for a lot of reasons, and I probably will someday. Today I want to talk about memory. How come you dreamt about a giant orange bear chasing you, throwing apples, then turning into an orange, again chasing you, and you wake up without remembering such a peculiar set of circumstances? If you would go for a walk in the forest and you would see even a regular brown bear, you would sure remember it, let alone an orange one. (unless you see bears everyday) So why not remember an orange/bear in your dream?

First of all, I will introduce some basic facts about memory, that is, the most important aspects of what makes a memory a strong one. This will actually basically fill in this whole blog. So...
Second of all will be food for the next blog on the subject and in this one I will discuss the theories I have encountered so far on memory of dreams and the related.
And all of all¹, I will come to a conclusion weighing the pros and cons of the different theories. (not sure yet whether that will fit in blog 2 or will be a blog 3.)

First of all..what makes you remember

1. Attention
   
2. Association and interaction
   
3. Arousal
   
4. Context
   
5. Familiarity
   
6. Elaboration
   

1. Attention, most importantly
Attention helps to feed-forward the signals in your brain to all those areas of perception. The more activity in those areas, the more conscious you are of what you are perceiving and the more you perceive. Funny enough, intention does not matter much. You can attend to something without intending to, and it will still signal from one area to another, linking those areas and making a stronger representation of the thing to be remembered.

2. Association and interaction
In the dream of the orange bear the bear himself turned into an orange. This happened based on association. You thought about oranges, probably because the bear was orange, or because there were apples, another type of fruit. In daylife, that could make you remember both the bear and the orange better, or the apples and the orange.
There was also some interaction: the bear threw apples and the orange bear turned into an orange. It all had to do with each other.
Now the Baddeley-Hitch model of memory states that there are three elements to working memory:

the phonological loop
the visuospatial sketchpad
the central executive

The phonological loop is where spelling of words are linked to sounds and to meaning. Learning how to read, you link those elements of language, as in associating them to one another and it makes you remember what goes with what. So after a while, you know that the spelling of the word ´cat´ goes with the meaning of a small animal with a soft fur and a tail. And you know that the ´c´ of ´cat´ is pronounced with a hard c, like the letter k.
The visuospatial sketchpad deals with visuals and space. As for linking things: if you simply imagine a bear and then imagine an orange, this will make you remember those elements less than if you imagine an (orange) bear turning into an orange. Or a bear eating an orange. Or whatever works for you. As long as the two are associated and even better, interacting together.
The central executive ´decides´ whether to use the phonological loop or the visuospatial sketchpad to remember things and makes sure they run smoothly.

3. Arousal
Arousal can be physical as in stress, clammy hands, a racing heartbeat etcetera.
It can also be emotional: sad, happy, shocked, again etcetera.
There is a word for memories encoded in these type of situations: flashbulb memories. When something exceptional and unexpected happens and you respond with the clammy hands or/and you burst into tears, there is a chance this will become a flashbulb memory. For instance: your dear rabbit Bam Bam escaped from the run, got on the run and a car drove him over (Bam). Now apart from associating running with run and your rabbits name with Bam, this unexpected situation will probably evoke emotions.
Since this event is quite an event, you will pay extra attention to it, talk about it with people and mull it over later: How could I have prevented Bam Bam from being attacked by this car? All these things will enhance memory of the disheartening event.
Now it doesn´t necessarily have to be a flashbulb memory for arousal and emotion to enhance the memory of it. Some type of emotion will help, even small. In the brain, emotion and arousal lead to the amygdala to be more activated. The amygdala is the main room of the emotional housing in the brain and because of its activation, the hippocampus will work harder to remember this event. There you go.
However, sidenote: prolonged stress/arousal will make you remember less. It will lead to higher levels of glucorticoids and those reduce the firing rate of the hippocampus and eventually eat it up. Sidenote of this sidenote: this eating up is called atrophy and is what happens in people with Alzheimers. The brain literally ceases to exist.²

4. Context
In the science of memory, three phases are distinguished: encoding, consolidation and retrieval.
In encoding, the information a situation is providing to you is transformed in your brain into something called a representation. Encoding is what happens while the thing to be remembered is still happening.
Next is consolidation. In consolidation the representation of that what just happened is modified so it becomes stable and independent of certain brain areas needed for encoding.³
Retrieval finally, is what happens when you try to remember that what was encoded and consolidated. So if you wake up and try real hard to remember your dream and in a flash remember something about a forest, this is retrieval.
The right context then, can help retrieval. If you encoded a memory in a similar context as in the context you try to retrieve the memory, there is a better chance you will succeed.
So the best way to remember your dream again, is to let your friend dress up as an orange bear, take a bucket of apples and let him chase you in the forest. Since you don´t remember the dream, this will be of no use. However, if you would happen to go for a walk in the forest the next day, this can trigger the memory of the dream, apparently not yet ´gone´.

5. Familiarity
What if indeed you would go for a walk in the forest the next day. Maybe your brain would be triggered to run off some of the same brain tracks again, but not yet all of them. You start to feel as if you´ve been there, or as if there is simply something familiar about this forest, about something that has to do with this forest. You don´t yet remember what it is exactly. But then you see a half eaten apple down the road and it comes like a sudden flash: ¨Hey, that is what I dreamt about last night!¨ You may not immediately remember all  details, and may never, but the apple and the forest will sure help you to remember the bear and everything else as well. Familiarity has a different path in the brain than recollection, but both can stimulate one another, allthough other elements such as attention and context I think have a stronger effect on memory.

6. Elaboration
Last but not least, elaboration. If you use up some of your cognitive processes by mulling over that what just happened, it will help strengthen the memory representation. As for rabbit Bam Bam, you could for instance keep thinking about the event, imagining him alive, talking to people about your loss, asking yourself why did this happen.
The depth-of-processing theory states that there are different levels of processing happenings and the deeper the level, the better the memory.
At the first level, we have the superficial type of processing where you only pay attention to the simple outward features of the event. You notice Bam Bam is bleeding, and that´s it.
At the second level is sound. If you would for instance scream ´Noooo! Bam Bam!´ and let it get through, that would be some sort of phonological (sound-type) processing.
At the deepest level, meaning becomes important. In the case of the rabbit, that would be pondering about the question why. That what is important to you is remembered better.
Footnote: most of this theory has tested ´implicit learning´, that is, not intentional. It is not sure then, that trying real hard to scream will make a difference. If it does, it does so without you noticing it.
But apart from this theory, in general it is proven that the more active you are busy processing, perceiving, thinking over something, the better it will be remembered. You need to work with the material.

1. that is a joke, of course

2. nasty pictures on google

3. the medial temporal lobes, to be precise

Making your bedroom lucid ready.

The right bed is a matter of taste (and space)

 

Not too long ago I moved to another city and a new home with four times as much space as my former.  That left room for a bed. That is to say, un upgrade from a one persons bed to a two persons bed. (you knever know, hehe) I had to buy everything new: the bed frame, the mattress, sheets, pillows, and so forth. And since I am quite thorough, I wanted it to be right. So there you go: I can now provide you with plenty of information on how to choose the right bed. As for layout I am aware of my inability to get a decent one with words written out on exactly the same line. I have been trying to figure that out for most of my life fruitlessly, so I hope you can forgive me.

Here is an overview of the different types of bed bases out there. I will not include much explanation of bed frames since those don´t have much to do with sleep comfort and are more about esthetics and durability. I will base my judging on the support the base offers, the amount of ventilation, the durability, price, and whether the base creates an electromagnetic field. This last thing may need some explanation. I will dedicate an entire blog to that so now I will keep it short: Lots of things create an electromagnetic field, such as mobile phones, phone masts, wireless networks, and such. Bed bases can create a small field too. Some people claim to get sick from it or can´t sleep well because of the field around their bed. Most research done is done bad and seems inconclusive. So now on to the bases:

Metal mesh base - strong steel framework
Support                   Does not divide weight as it should
Ventilation               The best there is
Durability                Good
Price                       Usually cheap unless you want an Auping
Electrosmog            Big field, no go for electrosmogphobics

Extra plus: They are great for bed jumping. A nice bed jumping ritual will prepare you perfectly for your next lucid dream. (you can imagine flying out of your bed)

Vlavrobase* - like a platform bed with holes in it
Support                  About none, but for people who prefer a firm bed, not a bad idea
Ventilation              Nah
Durability               15 years
Price                      Cheapest
Electrosmog           Nope

* Since this bed is somewhat out of date and I am no native English speaker, no dictionary or google search could give me the exact translation.

Slatted base - a frame with (sprung) slats, usually ranging in number from 10 to 44
Support                 Depends entirely on your preferences: from 28 slats on support is good, especially if they are placed inside the frame. Some slat bases can be adjusted for hardness and others allow you to electrically rise up the foot or head end so you can watch television without ruining your neck. Cheap mattresses on a slats base are a bad idea unless there are enough slats to work with. So basically, it is up to you.
Ventilation            Medium
Durability             Usually good
Price                    Depends
Electrosmog         No

Boxsprings - these things you always see in the home magazines
Support               It divides the weight pretty well
Ventilation           Hell no
Durability            20 years if you don´t mind sleeping on something gross
Price                   Can range from expensive to priceless
Electrosmog        Because of iron in the mattress: a lot

Schotelbodems* - The next best thing with a sort of scifi robotic edge to it
No need to give them a rating on specific terms. They are perfect for anyone who has too much money and a coldfoam or memory foam mattress.

* And again no translation. A little too modern to be put in the dictionary I suppose. You can see a picture by searching on ´schotelbodem´ in google images.

The height and width of the bed (in centimeters. Yes I am from Holland!)
Make sure you have the height and width right of both bed and bed frame. I think 160 x 200 cm is the best size for a two persons bed, since you can curl up together but also have your own space. In the US that would be a Queen bed size. I believe until 110 cm width a bed is a one persons bed, from 110-140 cm it is something in between (twijfelaar in Dutch), and from 140 on it is called a two persons bed. Some people feel lost sleeping alone in a bed with a width larger than 160 cm so take that into consideration. You might want to check out the article on bedding on Wikipedia for more on bed sizes: Bedding

Some other suggestions
Don´t let beauty tempt you. A canopy bed sure looks romantic and you can pimp it with draperies, pillows in soft pastel colors and all that cliche stuff, but make sure it actually fits in your room and you don´t end up lying there feeling ´trapped´ between four poles and your draperies. Allthough...lucid and all, you can do some pole dancing, so that would be a plus.
The same goes for those old wooden or brass beds with the heightened foot- and headboards. How would your tall (future) partner like his/her inability to stretch out those legs? Would be kind considering someone elses good night´s rest, right?

So that was part one. In part two, I will focus on the different types of mattresses and tell you about those things called pillows and sheets.

What are your experiences with bed frames and bases?

If there is anything you´d want to be able to do as a lucid dreamer, it is the WILD technique. WILD, wake initiated lucid dream, named as such by Stephen la Berge, gives you direct entrance to your lucid dream. What does direct entrance do for you if you can just as well wait for a dream in which you recognize it as such and so become lucid?

Geysir in Iceland. WILD huh? Entering your dream lucidly from the beginning gets you as lucid as lucid can be. In my experience, WILD dreams are more vivid then other lucid dreams. In a WILD dream it is a lot easier to stay lucid; you were right from the start. Also, the set is staged: if you focused right before falling asleep, you will enter the dream you wanted to dream. So no need to summon up characters, changing scenes etcetera. You are very much in control which is to be expected: being able to do WILD means you must be a good lucid dreamer.

Another something is the ability to experience the transition both from wake to sleep and from sleep to wake. This transition can be scary: hypnagogic hallucinations, paralysis, strange sounds, a sensation of falling, but it is also incredibly interesting. You can see where exactly this transition takes place and be conscious about everything that would ordinarily happen outside of your consciousness.

First I will take you through my way of doing WILD when I was ten years old. I have to admit I haven´t used it since then and this is based on my memory of what used to be my method. After that I will provide you with some exercises made by Stephen la Berge.

When I was ten I was very busy lucid dreaming. Of course I did not know the term, and it was very interesting to years later read about techniques I already used back then. The following is a step by step process to do WILD as used by me at the time. The best would be to try this late at night, early in the morning, during a nap, or by doing the WBTB technique. (waking up one hour earlier than usual, focusing on lucid dreaming and what you want to dream, then go back to bed) This will make sure you enter a REM dream directly, in which it is way more likely that you will be lucid.

1. Take an alarmclock that ticks every second and place it next to your bed where you can hear it ticking time away. This will be your anchor on knowing when you will fall asleep. If you can still hear the alarmclock when focusing on it you are still awake. Or you lost a part and unconciously entered a dream in which you think you are awake. However, most of the time you can find out about your wrong because you are not lying in your bed anymore like you were before or you notice other dreamsigns. Usually though, the clock will tell you you are still awake. If it stops ticking, you will fall asleep in two seconds.

2. (Optional) Do some relaxation technique if it takes a long time to fall asleep. Otherwise, you may have to repeat step three so many times you lose your motivation. Relaxation techniques I will explain later on.

3. Focus on the dreamstory you want to experience right after falling asleep. Go through all the elements: the characters, the scenery, the storyline. Pay special attention to the setting, since settings (I find) are usually more difficult to change and can be mixed more easily with elements you did not intended. Repeat your story over and over again, as many times as needed to get close to falling asleep. Meanwhile pay attention to physical signs you are close to sleeping: being sleepy, numbness, heaviness of limbs or not feeling your limbs anymore, focusing inward more than outward, less external sensory output, distracting highly associative irrational thoughts you take as normal, and so forth. Then notice you can´t hear the clock ticking anymore. Now I forgot if I used to switch focus between the clock and the story back then, but I suppose that is what you should begin with. If you become better at it, you don´t need to repay attention to the clock as many times because you will notice very well when sleep is coming near.

4. Notice that you can´t hear the clock ticking anymore. This is the critical point. Do not focus on it too much because it will wake you up. Only notice it. Here you are at the verge and strange things can happen. External sensory output is blocked as well as your muscles. This can be scary because it means you can´t move your limbs anymore. It is also possible that you have a sensation of falling down really fast and you wake up with a shock. It can be that you start to hear voices or vaguely see dreamelements. It can be that you hear white noise or other sounds that tell you you are about to fall asleep. None of it is something to worry about, the only thing you need to do is to relax and stay focused on the one thing you want to dream about. Where the clock stops ticking, focus on your dreamstory as hard as you can. Otherwise you will end up in another dream.

5. Make the transition. Enter the dream. This will happen automatically. If you focused right, you will now be in the dream you had in mind. If you only got distracted right before falling asleep, that will lead you to creating a dream based on the distracting thought and you can start over again. The only good thing is, there is still a big chance you are lucid, so you can simply choose to wake yourself up or make amendments in the dream itself.

6. Oops. I entered the wrong dream. What next? Withdraw from the dream by getting too excited, by yelling to people that you are in a dream and they are too, by staring at people or objects without moving your eyes and best of all refrain from everything by falling asleep in your dream. Then repeat step 1 to 5 again.

Now, I promised some relaxation techniques you can use to get close to sleep, as well as learn to pay attention to signs of falling asleep and training your concentration. These are mostly based on Buddhist practice and can be found in ´Exploring the world of Lucid Dreaming´ by Stephen la Berge. I will only summarize them, so if you want to have additional explanation, take a peek inside that book. Some more exercises can be found in there as well.

 

1. Progressive Relaxation (summary, author is la Berge, allthough it is a very common technique used for many purposes.) Lie down. Attend to your breathing. Notice the air moving in and out your nose and lungs, notice your belly and breast moving. Progessively tense and relax each muscle group. You can for instance start at your left foot, then go up to the bottom leg, upper leg, buttocks, right foot, right bottom leg, upper legg, bottoms, genitals, abdomen, breast, back, left hand, left arm, shoulder, right hand, right arm, shoulder, neck, head, face. The idea is to tense a muscle really hard and then relax it. Let go of all tension. Let everything go limp.

2. 61 point relaxation technique Picture you can find on Amazon: Exploring the world of lucid dreaming - Stephen la Berge etc. If link doesn´t work: go to amazon, search for la Berges book, look inside and search for page 56. Study the figure. If your fanatic about it, study all the points. If not, study some. Focus your attention on one point at a time and think of the number that comes with it. Start at your forehead, then move down after a few seconds. Imagine yourself being located at every point. Move through each point in sequence. Extend your practice to include all sixty-one points.

3. White dot technique Do some former mentioned exercises. Concentrate your mind upon a dot, colored bony white, situated between your eyebrows. (point 61 in the drawing) Continue to focus on this dot until you find yourself dreaming.

4. Dream Lotus and Flame technique (recommended!) Relax. Visualize a lotus with a flame inside it in your throat at point 1. The flame represents awareness and the lotus represents spiritual unfoldment. Observe how the image of the flame interacts with other images that arise in your mind. Contemplate the flame in the lotus until you feel the image and your awareness merge together. Gradually you will find yourself dreaming.

5. Count yourself to sleep technique Relax. Count to yourself while falling asleep. ¨1...I am dreaming.¨ ¨2. I am dreaming.¨ etc. Realize you are dreaming What are your experiences by doing WILD? Are you also more lucid when entering a dream from the start? How do you experience the transition from wake to sleep and from sleep to waking up?

catch the moon

make a moonpie from the chunks of moon you just catched

make your own rollercoaster

open up a computer to see what is in there

sing a lullaby to sleep

walk on clouds

smell with you eyes

or hear with your mouth (etcetera)

kill yourself

eat a rare plant, fruit or berry

climb a tree

make a poisonous drink

count backwards from ten to zero

videorecord something and play it back (this will probably lead to a completely different recording than was the original)

speak Chinese (or some other foreign language you don´t know) (and this will probably lead to some weird gabbertalk unrelated to Chinese)

train yourself to remember dialogues (difficult)

go hunt treasures

dig a hole and hide something in it

and retrieve it in another lucid dream

open up a door of a closet to enter a world behind it

be (yes BE) an insect

go on safari

get ill and see what happens

go check out a deserted house

win the lottery and spend the money

walk on water (recommended, and relatively easy to induce)

sail

take a pet and pet it

have sex with someone you dislike in reality

heal people

be God

ask for a vision

learn someone to tie his shoelaces

cut yourself open

dissolve into the air

fall down in a waterfall

or from a cliff (and do not fly, just fall down)

draw a self portrait

scream or shout out loud some awful word(s) in a busy street

be invisible and spy on whoever you´d like to spy on (relatively simple also)

try to die and then relive

give a presentation to a huge crowd about pine apples or chocolate mints

graduate

get someone to hypnotize you

be someone of the opposite sex and use your ´utensils´

have a monozygotic twin sister/brother

have sex with another you

or perform self fellatio (I forgot the decent word for licking pussy but that one also obviously)

get naked on a funeral

try telepathy

dye your hair

stare at yourself in the mirror

turn into a tiger and scare the hell out of everyone

put your right toe into your mouth

spit on the floor

throw up

poo in the forest

perform a certain profession, like lawyer, artist, teacher

hoop on the top of a skyscraper

walk on these lines above a train I don´t know the name about; anyway would be spectacular

sit on a billboard watching cars driving by on the highway

drive a bus

stick your finger into your ear and let it come out on the other side

give presents to everyone you know

perform together with your favorite idol/band

talk to Jesus or Mohammed

visit hell

ask God why

ask a random character why and see if there is a difference

ask someone a question that makes no sense like ´So, do you like spitting on the ground while you are driving a bus naked?´

jump from one scene in the coldest place on earth to a scene on the warmest place on earth and try to absorb the cold and the heat. (hard one since sensations of temperature tend to be left out in dreams)

bath clothed

throw sand into the air

drown

save someone from being drowned

ride on a camel, or a cow, or a dinosaur

wake someone else up

close your eyes

open them and be earth itself turning

build a hut

be romantic in that hut with someone you want to be romantic with

make water turn into fire and the other way around

when your brother asks you for the salt, move the salt to him without touching it

close and open your eyes repeatedly, in quick succession

fly around the world in one hour

make your bed

eat something inedible like a piece of paper, your piano, your lamp

invent the great cure for some awful disease

do voluntary work like taking care of street children

be a prostitute or gigolo

pee on grass, your own floor, down from the balcony

create a melody for a song and try to remember it

live like and with the Native Americans

let yourself rain wet on a sunny day

skate from the one end to a rainbow to the other

feel nervous for something that would make you nervous, with all the physical elements that accompany it: cold sweat, dry mouth, shivering, this fearfeeling in your belly, etc. (this one is so difficult because this is exactly what you usually do not feel in dreams)

be the thunder that moves from one city to another

climb up a mountain where no human being exists and stay there for a considerable amount of time (like the character in Das Parfum)

let snow fall and open your mouth to catch it

and such

Many of the above are not easy to induce and will have to be thought about while awake over and over again. Even then, they will probably turn out a little different than intended. For the advanced lucid dreamer, they may serve as inspiration and for the beginner, as a reminder of all that can be done, when established a firm grounding in lucid dreaming.

Why is it so hard to remember dialogues in a dream? Speaking for myself, I remember all the visual imagery and the feelings that came with it, and I remember having talked to this or that person, and may have remembered the subject of the conversation. But what exactly was said remains a mystery. This applies to everything related to ´words´: writing words, reading words, recited poems, and so forth.

I think it is a pity since dialogues in dreams can be one of the more interesting aspects to analyze. Take this for an example. Tonight* I did remember a dialogue.
To understand any of it you have to know some of the history in reality leading to this.



Kosta is a man I fell crazy in love with more than two years ago. We had some great conversations and flirting episodes going on when at some point this turned into a two year long lasting ignorance and tension from both sides. I call it cold war. I did numerous attempts to reconnect with him but he refused and kept ignoring me. I moved to another place and since then (about two to three months now) I have not seen him. So now for some reason I dream about him trying to reconnect with me.

In this particular dream, I walked towards my bicycle and noticed a diary laying on my saddle. It turned out to be his and I thought he may have put it there on purpose. I was flipping through the pages and may have paused at a drawing of a naked woman when Kosta came up to me:

Kosta: ¨I used to see women over 18 and fuck them. They´re getting younger now.¨ (laugh)
silence
Me: ¨Why do you come up with this now?¨
Kosta: (chuckle) ¨It seems we can act normal now.¨
Me: ¨We could have always acted normal. If you would have just said something to me or asked something I would have acted normal.¨
...
Me: ¨You couldn´t have planned this. I am already living in Enschede.¨
Kosta: ¨Oh Enschede? When I lived in Enschede, I always went to this pub. There were always ....¨
I woke up.

And now the version explaining the logic of this dialogue and all the subtleties in it:

Kosta: ¨I used to see women over 18 and fuck them. They´re getting younger now.¨ (laugh)
silence

Kosta in reality does not seem to care about cheating on his girlfriend. This interpretation of him would be an exaggerated Kostaversion which is no surprise since dreamcharacters are often exaggerated.
After this sentence it remained silent for a while and I looked at him. This sentence put me very much back into reality, the reality of a man that was obviously not the right one for me and from whom I´d better stay away.
It was silent for a moment, I looked at him and I first wondered why did I fall in love with such a man; he was obviously so wrong to me, and then I felt the attraction again.

Me: ¨Why do you come up with this now?¨

I was referring to him showing me his diary and talking to me. I assumed this was his way of explaining the course of things to me. For two years he ignored me so why was he doing this?

Kosta: (chuckle) ¨It seems we can act normal now.¨

I thought: ¨He probably does not feel threatened anymore because I left and will never come back so it is easier for him to ´act normal´ now.¨

Me: ¨We could have always acted normal. If you would have just said something to me or asked something I would have acted normal.¨

True. Very very true. An attempt to reconcile again.

Me: ¨You couldn´t have planned this. I am already living in Enschede.¨

I went to visit the place where he and I used to work, but obviously it was two months now since I had gone, so he would not know when I would be there. I assumed he was not carrying his diary with him all the time and he only had it with him especially for the purpose of showing me. It felt like he wanted to show me some of his former life to explain his actions.

Kosta: ¨Oh Enschede? When I lived in Enschede, I always went to this pub. There were always ....¨

Kosta seemed surprised either that I lived in Enschede or that I also lived in Enschede like he once did. In reality he has never lived in Enschede, he has lived in Italy, Greece, England and two places in the Netherlands. The last part I forgot but it had to do with some bottles or artwork or whatever that was present at the pub Kosta was talking about. At that point I woke up.

What strikes me so much about this dialogue, apart from the fact that it is Kosta talking to me, which will always strike me, is the way it differs from reality and at the same time the reality of the dialogue itself.

What makes this dialogue so different from reality is that there seems to be spoken only the words that matter, the heart of what is most important. I more or less immediately ask him about his motives, tell him what is the deal, that we could have always acted normal. Through the conversation I more and more realized that he really was not in love with me, it would have never turned into a relationship and that it was OK. When the most important was said, and Kosta moved on to a normal chat about his former life in Enschede, I woke up. In reality, words are decorated with more words, words to soften or introduce other words. What mattered was said so there was no reason to stay in the conversation and I could wake up.

Another difference from waking life was the fact that I assumed certain things to be the case, like his motives of showing me the diary, his reason to be surprised about me living in Enschede and such. This in itself is not different from reality. What was different is that we conversed based on these assumptions as if they were true and the other person knew about them. In reality one can never be sure about these things and you will have to ask the other person to be sure. In dreams, that what you assume turns out to be true so there is no need to ask or to be uncertain.

The reality of the dialogue lies in the fact that there are so many subtleties in the words spoken: the intonation, the considerations leading to them being said, the reaction to the words of the other. I wanted to say one thing, but I said another. I felt the same antagonistic feelings combined and interchanging after one another of attraction and reality, attraction and the hurt of it. I noticed a feeling of reconciliation and acceptance. He spoke words the same way he would in reality with the same kind of smile, the same kind of expression on his face. The content of the sentences were extremely Kosta-like. His composure when he walked to me and started to talk. The same relaxation I felt when still talking to him in reality. Etcetera.

The most surprising of all is that I was the one making this all up. My own brain created this dialogue when at the same time it felt as if it was him creating his words and me creating mine. I wouldn´t have come up with his first note about fucking younger women and apparently I was the one who did. It is strange.

Summary so far:
1. A dream dialogue as opposed to a real life dialogue can get to the point, without ´decorative words´ to introduce the difficult words or soothen them unnecessarily.

2. In dream dialogues the people talking assume certain things and these assumptions nearly always turn out to be true. Because of this, there is no need to question your assumptions and you can easily talk about that what matters.

3. People talking to you in a dream can show exactly the same characteristics as in reality as well as say things the same way they would in reality. Feelings and thoughts show the same subtlety and changeability as in waking life.

4. This is surprising because you are the only one creating these dialogues. Yet they do come as a surprise and do not seem created by yourself, unless maybe you are lucid.

Now the question remains how to remember dialogues. The mechanisms are the same in reality. I can give you the following hints:
1. Pay attention to what is said. Without attention, there will be no memory. Stronger put, a dream dialogue will lose its sense and turn into brabble or the scene will shift to another scene when there is no attention.

2. Become lucid. This will make you remember the dream better. It can however disrupt the conversation and make it less interesting.

3. When you are lucid and able, keep repeating that what was said, revisit the dialogue.
4. Wake yourself up when you have enough information in store and more will probably be forgotten or when you shift to another scene and will therefor forget what was said. You can wake yourself up by withdrawing from your dream. Go to sleep and you will wake up.
5. When you wake up lay still and repeat the dialogue inside your head, again and again while trying to keep hold of the feelings associated with it.
6. Remember the context in which it was placed. Contextual thinking leads you back to the details.
7. Think associatively. If you can still remember ´diary´ then search for associations of that word that may had to do with it. Dreams are led by association so there probably took place an association that led to the next spoken sentence.
8. Think backwards. If you only remember the last words spoken, try to remember what was the last words spoken before that. If you can´t remember, try to imagine what could have been said.
9. When you can´t think of anymore turn into another position to see if that helps you remember something. When you are still in recall mode, do not turn on the light, move or start thinking about the grocery list or whatever you were planning to do today.

These methods obviously are applicable for every part of the dream you want to remember. They will work for about any aspect of dreams, such as imagery, feelings, sounds and smell.
I have not found a specific method yet for remembering dialogues as opposed to other elements. Sorry about that.

*I wrote this about a month ago, so a month ago would be ´tonight´.

Do you remember dialogues as easily as other dream elements? Do you have specific methods to remember them better?